Just some thoughts...

So I know it is a bit past the two week blog posting I was shooting for... but this is progress, it hasn't been even a month since my last post!! Baby steps right?

Speaking of babies, I work at a nursing home... which is basically like babysitting a bunch of babies in a big peoples bodies. I am constantly saying things like, "don't play with yourself; we don't say mean things like that to other people, it is not nice!; please wash your hands after you use the restroom; please chew and swallow all of your veggies; don't hit; don't shout; use your utensils when you eat... it goes on and on... I am currently searching the market EVERYDAY for a new job... but for the time being I have decided that I need to stay positive and just laugh at all of the weird things these crazy old farts do....

1. We have a resident that is 101 years old... yep.. 101.. and she cannot hear a dang thing. Even when my lips are practically inside of her ear yelling to ask her something... she without fail will say... "I can't hear what you are saying.... do you even speak English?" Or my all time favorite is... "I can't understand you... I don't speak danish!!" She is my favorite resident.. mostly because she makes me laugh everyday.

2. The other day I was asking one of the residents if they were ready for their shower.. without skipping a beat, she asked me, "oooooo what kind of shower??? A baby shower, bridal shower??" And then proceeded to get dressed for the occasion... what????

3. One day I walked into another residents room and he was packing his suitcase. I asked him where he was heading and he told me to tell the Nurse he needed some time off because he was goign on vacation from this place. Sadly, he probably will never leave the nursing home, but i wasn't about to be the one to crush his dreams.

Almost everyday someone thinks they are getting ready to go home or heading to the basement to do laundry... it is funny to get a taste of what they used to do daily or what they used to be like... but they also DEFINITELY have their days where they make work a living hell, literally.... Almost on a daily basis, these are some of the things that happen that drive me insane..

1. In an 8 1/2 hour shift, we had one resident press his call light 65 times... 65!!! it is already crazy working there, but that definitely didn't help one bit. I am fine helping when they REALLY need help, but he would say things like hiss legs didn't work anymore and he couldn't stand (lie), he would call us in there, but once we would get there he would be "sleeping"...

2. We have one resident in particular who likes to be manipulative... and will dump his urinal all over the bed to get attention... or poop, liquid poo (after taking a laxative), on purpose all over the floor and then will be a finger painter... yep exactly what is sounds like... and would smear it everywhere.. just to make us mad.

3. We have a lot of residents with eating disorders, someone throws up their meals at least once a day.. I hate throw up... it already smells and is disgusting.. but coming out of a body that is over 80 and is already breaking down, it is ten times worse.

4. I don't think I will ever get used to the smell of grown human urine or poo... ever.. I dry heave at least twice a day. I feel bad that these people are to the point in their lives where they cannot even use the restroom on their own, but really... their bodily functions smell anything but good. It is so strong and toxic smelling, it could take out a whole room in a matter of seconds. I think the smell of old people urine and bowel movements will forever be stuck inside of my nasal cavity.

5. Most people in our facility are extremely proper... but i think when they got old that they lost their filter... i don't think I have ever heard one group of senior citizens swear more than this group. Whether they are happy, sad, mad, sleepy, or just relaxing, I haven't had a conversation that doesn't include at least one profane word spoken. Of course I don't get offended... it is actually quite funny to see these little old ladies without teeth and crazy hair swearing up a storm.

i love helping old people and listening to the crazy things they have to say.... however, this is definitely the hardest job i have EVER EVER EVER had. I have a love.. but mostly hate relationship with it... but, until I find that magical new job I will listen to their crazy ramblings, their profanities they shout at me, wipe their soiled and saggy bums, and take them to their showers... no matter what kind of shower they think it is.